My problems...
As the "month of gratitude" has come to an end, I've considered how I would like
to share my feelings of gratitude for Jesus Christ. My problems. Three major problems have been
resolved or are being resolved in my life through Christ:
1.
Sometimes I feel blind and lost--I
sometimes don't know what to do, how to do things, and why I'm doing them.
2.
Sometimes I don't feel I am
myself--I don't feel like I am who I really am inside. I'm less capable of
connecting to people around me, unable to express myself the same way I love
to express myself; I don't have the same degree of life in me.
3.
Sometimes I feel distracted--giving
into bad habits, lacking wisdom and discipline, and I am without motivation.
I'm grateful for Jesus Christ. As it
says in John 8:12, "[Christ is] the light of the world," and in John
14:6 "He is the way, the truth, and the life." Simply said, He is the
solution to all of my problems.
The Light
I like to think of light in a room and how even a little bit of light can
change so much. In my "workplace psychology" class one of the points
we discussed was how the right degree of light has a profound effect on
productivity in the workplace. The same has been for me in my spiritual and
personal day to day life. When I'm blind and lost or if I just need some more light, Christ is the light and the truth. Christ illuminates my mind, enabling me to see
specific things "in the true light." My day to day roles and
responsibilities, my relationships, and the view of myself have each been
morphed as I've gained this light little by little. I'm certain that everyone
has experienced it at some point. In psychology some might consider "a
light going on" as a "paradigm shift;" though, what I am
speaking about is more than a paradigm shift. It is when your eyes are
opened and you feel stronger, happier, and more free. Another way to
look at it is: a moment when you come to know truth better. Truth
is the source of light. The moments I have been given light and truth from
Christ, the blindness from my eyes has been removed, causing me to not be lost. Christ is the light
and the truth.
The Life
One of the worst feelings in the
world is feeling like you aren't the real you. Somehow, somewhere down
the line, you've become disconnected from yourself. This happened to me. It absolutely stinks,
no lie. In my past, it was different. In Jr. High, at Skyline high school, and
just before I left on my mission I always felt like me. On my mission to
Puerto Rico and even a couple years after returning home from my full-time
mission it was the same, I felt like me. During all this maturing and getting older, I became
more aware of 3 core values in my life: relationships, service, and righteousness.
As I became more aware of these values
and developed more of an ability to pursue them and maintain my personal
integrity to them, I experienced great satisfaction, fulfillment, and joy. Looking back, throughout my life growing up I
had never felt like I was "disconnected" from myself. About 2 1/2
years or so after my mission, I reached a point where I wasn't myself. I
had become disconnected from myself and felt my integrity was moved to the back
burner. My 3 core values weren't as
important to me and were too overwhelming to even consider pursuing.
The first place I noticed my problem
of not being myself was in my interactions with people. I noticed that I started to become less
confident and more insecure. As time went on I didn't feel this way with just a
few individuals, but started to feel it at varying degrees with everyone.
As I became less comfortable talking to people I had this battle inside of me
saying, "what is my problem?! I've
always enjoyed talking to people and have always felt confident and completely
secure!" At first I coped with it
just fine but it did wear on my self-esteem a bit. This only made me think of
myself more which only magnified the problem; although, amidst all this, I
never completely lost my sense of personal security and confidence. There are so many internal and external
factors that kept me afloat including family, friends, and my strengths and pastimes.
Happily and thankfully, I never reached a point where I felt hopeless or too
ensnared and unable to escape my problem. I think one of the strengths I've had all my
life is my enduring hope, no matter
what the circumstances. With my hope, I always felt like I could get myself out
(or find someone to get me out) of my problems, including this horrible
dilemma.
Even though I had what felt like
chains on me, I was able to do a lot of the same things as I had always done. I was able to make casual conversations,
fulfill my responsibilities (at least at a base-line standard), and not to
commit any grave sin. As I've pondered about the sources of my problem I have
drawn a couple conclusions:
1- I became selfish and more focused
on and more worried about myself.
2- I lacked faith in Christ and as I
tried to carry my burdens alone, I lost.
This is what caused me to feeling
that my most fundamental values of relationships, service, and righteousness,
were not as important to me anymore. I
lost motivation and lost the blessings associated with living in accordance to my
personal values: happiness, fulfillment, and joy. I persisted like this until either I humbled
myself or I was compelled to be humble.
Christ is the life. I don't
know the exact moments that were pivotal for my change, but this downward cycle
that was happening in my life stopped. There was an unseen power that
reversed the cycle and has been pulling me upwards
ever since. This power is the atonement, the saving power Christ works in our
lives. Through my faith in Christ and repentance, two simple yet profound
principles, Christ has worked in me and is still working this miracle in my
life. Even though I do acknowledge that I did exercise my faith and I did
repent, I take no glory or credit for actually being the one to get myself out
of the snare. I give all credit to the great power of the Savior’s atonement and
I give glory to God the Father and the Savior for bringing it to pass. With this miracle working in me, the “disconnect from
myself” finally started to diminish.
In the past 2 1/2 years battling
with this problem, I've learned about myself and about Christ and have
witnessed a change occur in me. I'm secure again. I'm confident again. And the
thing that I am most happy about is: I am myself again. Now, relationships have again become more
important to me. I want to serve the
same way I did before. Along with this
renewed desire and the Christ’s love in me, I feel like I have more knowledge
and skills to be successful in my relationships, service, and work. In my problem, I'm grateful because I know
that Christ has also provided opportunities through which He was going heal me.
I'm now preparing to start a master's
degree in what's known as Industrial-Organization Psychology. I love it. Before I chose to pursue that master's degree,
I was worked as a 5th grade teacher for a school year
and was also able to work at District #93's Pine Basin summer camp. I know that both of these tremendous opportunities were both a godsend and allowed me to serve and forget myself. God also sent
individuals into my life who played key roles in helping me through this inner battle.
In this whole process where I was
being changed, I have been able to carry my burdens. I have kept myself more organized and clean. I have again been able to interact positively and more easily with
people. I have caught a new and thrilling vision of service in my
church responsibilities. As I found
myself reflecting about these moments where I realized the change for good happening in me, I joyfully concluded,
"I'm becoming myself again!" This thought has happened multiple
times. Christ plants life in us.
As we remove the egotistical love for ourselves and turn our love towards
others, we are filled with security, expression and life. As we build our faith in Christ, we can carry
our burdens, live according to our personal values, maintain our integrity,
and receive the associated blessings. It
feels so good. Christ is the
life.
The Way
Sometimes I feel distracted-- giving
into bad habits of idleness or laziness, lacking wisdom and discipline, and
without motivation. Compared to the
other problems, the problem of personal distraction happens most often in my
life. Christ is the way that I am empowered to overcome my distractions
each day.
I've had days where I
failed at being disciplined and being motivated, falling into bad habits and becoming
unproductive. I often find myself doing
good things, but not the best things. Other days, though, Christ has
enabled me to be disciplined and feel motivated to carry out my priorities. Christ grants to us moments where we feel free and we are able to accomplish
anything. I think anyone can relate to this feeling. When we feel this way, we feel
in control and so clear-minded that nothing can stop us. I have been surprised to find myself
accomplish tremendous tasks during a day not really knowing where my motivation
and discipline has come from. Simply
said, this discipline and motivation comes from a balanced life which is
centered on Christ. At the core of
a balanced life is a healthy and strong spirit. And, the only way to
have a healthy, strong spirit is by and through Christ.
I know that as I have sought him in
the morning and in the night and throughout the day, I have been able to overcome the my weak flesh and carry my
burdens. He has led the way. He is the way.
I'm Grateful For...
I love Christ for these great mercies. I feel indebted to Him and I feel
helplessly grateful. My life is so much better because of the light and the life I've
received and the way that has been given. Thinking how bad my life could be and
how my only true progress in life has come from Christ, my personal conviction
that Christ is the Savior of mankind deepens. Christ is the light of our lives.
He is the way, the truth, and the life. I'm grateful for Him.
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